My name is "The Pastor's Wife"

I recently read this article about being a pastor's wife that really got me to thinking. It was called "7 Things Pastor's Wives Wish They Had Been Told"

 http://thomrainer.com/2013/04/06/seven-things-pastors-wives-wish-they-had-been-told-before-they-became-pastors-wives/ 

There were a couple of things that really hit home for me.

The first thing was "I wish I someone would have prepared me on how to deal with criticism of my husband."

My husband and I used to be in the retail business. We owned a leisure products store. In our store we had over 50 employees. In the office I kept track of the buying of products for the store and the commissions of our salesmen. Needless to say these guys were always in my office wondering about their sales. These men needed mothering sometimes, which I did. This led to the problem that, if I was mom, then Rodney was their Dad, and at times they were mad at Dad and would want to whine to Mom about him.

As Rodney's wife I would not put up with this. I would say to them, " I understand that there are times when he may seem hard, but he has a store to run that makes a profit so that you can have a paycheck. Sometimes the pressure of that responsibility may make him a little cranky but you are a big boy and you can handle it" Then I would say " As much as I like you, I love him, and I will  defend him every time"!


They didn't always like this answer but they understood my loyalty to Rodney and they respected that.  Imagine my surprise the first time a person from a congregation came to me to complain about something my pastor husband was doing. In this Christian environment, I had mistakenly thought that this behavior was not going to exist.

Coming back into the ministry was exactly what God wanted for Rodney and our family.There was no doubt about this decision. I have always had such a peace about this. But I have decided that I was a little naive about my role. I thought that my days as a mom that people came to, to tattle to, were behind me.

The second thing that had me thinking was "I wish someone would have told me that there are some really mean people in the church" 

Again, when we were in the business world, we had some really irate customers that would say things that would make you cringe. I would deal with them and calm them down. Sometimes it took all of my resolve not to just scream at them because of their unreasonable demands.

I have, recently had to call on that same resolve. I understand that we as humans are going to have issues with one another, that is a given. WE ARE HUMAN! But hurtful words against the pastor are not the answer.


Ecclesiastes 10:20
The Message (MSG)


20 Don’t bad-mouth your leaders, not even under your breath,
And don’t abuse your betters, even in the privacy of your home.
Loose talk has a way of getting picked up and spread around.
Little birds drop the crumbs of your gossip far and wide.

Like it says in Ecclesiastes, hurtful, mean words have a way of spreading, like a disease. A small problem can get blown out of proportion and pretty soon, what was really nothing becomes something and then the something turns into a huge misunderstanding. 

I am as human on this as the rest of the world and have to go to the Lord quite often to ask for help in quieting my thoughts and my mouth. And there are times I just need to go to someone and work things out. When I deal in a straight forward fashion with a problem, I do not have have anything that I need to backtrack for or feel bad for.

Matthew speaks of this issue.......

Matthew 18:15

English Standard Version (ESV)

If Your Brother Sins Against You

15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.

Many things, that we thought were problems, can turn out not to be as bad as we thought, or they can be resolved in a manner that would make Christ proud. Going to your pastor when there are things that bother you, and not to someone else, is honestly the most ethical way to resolve your problem.

There are so many that love and respect their pastors and the job that God has called them to do. I do understand that pastors are not perfect. I know that my husband is not either. But I love him with all the love God has given to me for him and will always be there to defend him as if he was never wrong.

I would not trade anything against being the pastor's wife and being in the ministry with him. There is no place I would rather be. But naive or not, I do keep longing for the day when I can just minister beside him and not have to continually feel like I need to defend and protect him, against words that could break his heart.

Here's to pastor's, their families and their ministries everywhere!

Blessings!